i really enjoyed this issue and last issue especially - i shared last issue with a group of male and AMAB non-binary friends who've been discussing masculinity, i had it saved to reply to you with a proper thoughtful discussion but it looks like I'm going to be as unreliable a commenter as i am a timely-email-replier
what struck me, i think, is that much of the start of what you wrote could have been said by a lot of my male/AMAB friends (including the nail painting), but the conclusion they mostly came to was that they don't particularly connect to masculinity or think of themselves as "a man" but it didn't really affect them negatively either, so shrug, basically. whereas your conclusion was much more invested in / attached to masculinity (for yourself) - it was interesting to see people have very similar experiences / thoughts but quite a different outcome
They came up with a metaphor for gender that i think works well - that masculinity was like a work uniform, but a comfortable and functional one, so while it's not "them" they don't mind putting it on every morning to go out into the world - it's not worth kicking up a fuss about. I liked that - in that metaphor, femininity is like a work uniform that's like, a playboy bunny outfit - i don't mind being a woman but i just want to get on with my day and do my work and stuff, but I'm forced to wear an outfit that means people see me as inherently sexual even when I'm not flirting or in a remotely sexual context
I’m thrilled you saw fit to share my thoughts with your friends and that it fit into a larger ongoing discussion. I think that we stand to gain a lot in thinking about what labels matter to us, if any at all, and how to rehabilitate then from those that would burnish them as cudgels.
I think that in the end, the conclusions we comes to are perhaps based on how the work uniform fits us—and I do love that it is a work uniform in the metaphor rather than your costume or even simply your clothes, since there is ultimately some outside force putting these clothes on us. I have always felt comfortable with aspects of the label “man,” even when it meant expectations I don’t care for like those I wrote about. I suspect if I’d come down on the side of non-binary or genderqueer—and indeed I’ve interrogated both—I might have comes to the conclusion of your friends. Not that I can be sure, since I’ve not had the pleasure of chatting with them. More than anything, I’m thrilled they have each other and I conception of themselves which serves them and makes them feel whole.
I’ve not had to feel what it is to be expected to wear a work uniform which invites sexualization, but given my very limited experience being objectified, I imagine this must always be in the back of your mind even if you feel embodied, beautiful, and capable in the very same clothes. It must really suck that something can undermine those great feelings. Here’s to less and less of that nonsense in the future, and everything else that comes along with a society in which that’s possible.
I really enjoyed reading these you continue to grow as a writer!
Thank you, that means a great deal to me
Thanks for sharing my story!
i really enjoyed this issue and last issue especially - i shared last issue with a group of male and AMAB non-binary friends who've been discussing masculinity, i had it saved to reply to you with a proper thoughtful discussion but it looks like I'm going to be as unreliable a commenter as i am a timely-email-replier
what struck me, i think, is that much of the start of what you wrote could have been said by a lot of my male/AMAB friends (including the nail painting), but the conclusion they mostly came to was that they don't particularly connect to masculinity or think of themselves as "a man" but it didn't really affect them negatively either, so shrug, basically. whereas your conclusion was much more invested in / attached to masculinity (for yourself) - it was interesting to see people have very similar experiences / thoughts but quite a different outcome
They came up with a metaphor for gender that i think works well - that masculinity was like a work uniform, but a comfortable and functional one, so while it's not "them" they don't mind putting it on every morning to go out into the world - it's not worth kicking up a fuss about. I liked that - in that metaphor, femininity is like a work uniform that's like, a playboy bunny outfit - i don't mind being a woman but i just want to get on with my day and do my work and stuff, but I'm forced to wear an outfit that means people see me as inherently sexual even when I'm not flirting or in a remotely sexual context
I’m thrilled you saw fit to share my thoughts with your friends and that it fit into a larger ongoing discussion. I think that we stand to gain a lot in thinking about what labels matter to us, if any at all, and how to rehabilitate then from those that would burnish them as cudgels.
I think that in the end, the conclusions we comes to are perhaps based on how the work uniform fits us—and I do love that it is a work uniform in the metaphor rather than your costume or even simply your clothes, since there is ultimately some outside force putting these clothes on us. I have always felt comfortable with aspects of the label “man,” even when it meant expectations I don’t care for like those I wrote about. I suspect if I’d come down on the side of non-binary or genderqueer—and indeed I’ve interrogated both—I might have comes to the conclusion of your friends. Not that I can be sure, since I’ve not had the pleasure of chatting with them. More than anything, I’m thrilled they have each other and I conception of themselves which serves them and makes them feel whole.
I’ve not had to feel what it is to be expected to wear a work uniform which invites sexualization, but given my very limited experience being objectified, I imagine this must always be in the back of your mind even if you feel embodied, beautiful, and capable in the very same clothes. It must really suck that something can undermine those great feelings. Here’s to less and less of that nonsense in the future, and everything else that comes along with a society in which that’s possible.